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~*~CaItLIn's JoUrNaL~*~

Apr. 30th, 2008

04:08 pm

 ok so i know  i have not written in here for a very long time...but i recently have learned that i have a lot of build up frusteration.....so im going o try really hard to write in here more..... and it will more than likely be one lone ass run on sentence and things will be spelt wrong and the whole thing may not even make senc but i dont care

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative

Nov. 21st, 2007

09:20 am

i pierced me brother's ear yesterday! i can do it now i know how!! and im good at it!

Sep. 21st, 2007

09:12 pm

 i dont expect anyone to read this because i dont know who even still reads this but i need to vent ........the more i think about it the more it make me want to cry.....why do boys lie.....dont tell me you are going to do something and then dont do it.....something as little as saying bye......and why do i like him he has never done ne thing super nice/sweet for me....he has never taken me out on a date.....he never calss when he says he will....he never does ne thing he say he will....and then for like 2 short days he was really nice and i loved it....and now he is back to being an ass....why why do i bother.....like for real..........i need/want to be over it it being the whole gad damn thing.....what we are....which i dont even know what that is we are talking.....WHAT THE FUCK!  ok well i dont know how long normal people "talk" but we have been "talking" for about 3 months ok thats long enough i have put up with all your bullshit for to long.....and i dont kno if he is seeing how far he can push me but i cant take it......it wears me out emotionally.......i want to be done so bad....but i know he will call and i'll forget all about it......god...............

Current Mood: crushedcrushed

May. 23rd, 2007

11:28 pm

so i know its been a really long time since i worte anything of importance....well i know not many people will read this if any...but thats not the point the point is i have a lot of stuff to say or just get off my chest.....

Well i moved home form school and i go to schoolcraft dont get me wrong i like it there its just very different

Right now i have 2 jobs but im quitting bob evans i only have 2 more weeks YAY!!! i dont like working there, i dont like being screwed overe, i dont like how none of the mangers talk to eachother and no one knows that the hell is going on

And im kinda of upset that i work out and i dont just sit around and eat any more i actully do stuff but i went to the store and i tried on pants and i did not fit into them :( its kinda depressing and like i donno

And i found out that one of my friends who at one point was a best friend and knows that im alwasy here for her and i belive she is always here for me well anyway she is talking to my boyfriends friend and i donno im kinda scared that she will get fucked over....and then at the on  same time him to because i dont want anyone to get hurt but whatever....

i guess i felt like i had a lot more on my mind than i really do well anyway.....oh! and i saw people from my work tonight and i said that i do a lot more for myself now than i did last year because i think i grew up a lot in a year i know i still have a lot of growing up to do but thats not the point anyway and they still look at me like last summer this girl that cant do anything for her self. and its not that i couldnt do anything for myself its kinda that if people want to do things for me then why not but anyway...i dont know how to show people that i'm not the same girl i was....i mean i know i dont have to prove anything to anyone but i dont know.....and they make fun of me to no end and i do have feelings and things do hurt me and i blow them off like its nothing then i know people will just keep going......buuuuuut i dont know how to tell them that it hurts my feeligns without freaking out on them.......mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Oh and my b-day passed im 21 YAY!!!!

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

Mar. 20th, 2007

04:44 pm

i have the bestest boyfriend in the WHOLE world.... and i LOVE him to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:):):):):):):):) his name is Brad j. Palm! and he is mine....dont try and take him!

Current Mood: lovedloved

Dec. 5th, 2006

07:48 pm

sooooo i'm watching reba...and i love it by the way....but ne way......so iv had 3 people tell me they love me...and like for real love me and want to marry me and stuff.....but i'm not feeling them....but i want the one i cant have :(........man o man iv never been on this end of it before.....

Current Mood: coldcold

Nov. 17th, 2006

01:54 am

soooooooooo today i came home from school....and i was driving kellen and jeff.....and well....we were talking and i was driving (duh) then the back end of my car slipped a little and they were like whoa and i was like no u should see it in the winter when there is snow....and just as i said that my car did 3 circles on the freeway and went onto the side of the road and mude was flying all over...i dont know if i closed my eyes blackout of couldnt see b/c of the mud....so after we were done spinning and i was done freaking out....we got out of the car to see what was going on....and yea i was stuck...jeff tried to put rocks and wood under my tire and yea didnt work.... then i was going to get back in my car and i looked down and what did i see....yea my PHONE in a mudd puddle....damn! so we finally get out of the ditch after the ems and police and a tow truck.....so yea....then i come home to find out that my phone bill is 140 thats 140 i dont have! so that was SWEET....and i went to the phone store b/c i took out my battery and when i put it back in all it dose is vibrate and did stop....so i went to the phone store....and they told me i had water damage.....no really?! so ne way i have to call a number to get a new phone....which will be 50....sweet! and if my phone dosent turn on after i dry out the battery....i will lose all my numbers! even cooler!......but i did get into Eastern!!!!! and i was like mom are you happy for me...and she goes not really! WHAT!?!?! wft is that! and she said she was like caitlin you went in the ditch in the rain what about driving 45 mins in the snow?! at night? and lets face it your not good with directions.....so that was also a fun part of my dad....and i told my dad thinking he would understand how i fel b/c he is always saying stuff to my mom like when she says mean/joking things...but he didnt he just kinda got mad at me too....so whatever.....i was just furstrated and so i started crying and then it was the whole why are you crying talk....and i said b/c i want to and walked away...then tonight after i watched all my shows i went to the movies with my brother we was borat....and i didnt think it was that good....i think b/c half the time i was trying to figure out what they hell he was saying....but oh well............so i think i just realized how much of a change it will be for me to move home....im not sure yet if i will really like it or just be mad with my decison....well i have a meeting tommrow with an advisor at EMU to help me with my life plan....which i dont have right now....but i'm going to bed goodnite all!

Current Mood: tiredtired

Nov. 15th, 2006

12:27 am - he will never understand

so as some of you may or may not know over the summer i dated a guy named derek...and we were just dateing so not bf and gf although we were not seeing ne one else....we were still just dateing...i came to school and i was sad but we still talked at least once a day for not more....although usually a lot more....then all of a sudden it kinda just stopped....and i really have no idea why.....and i'm like ok whatever.....and i called him and asked him why we stoped talking and he said i didnt know we werent talking...and i was like ummmmmmmm ok......even though he had told one of our mutal friends that we were not talking ne more....but whatever....and so i kinda just stopped thinking about him and all that.....although now.....i dont know why but i cant stop thinking about him....and  i saw him a few weeks ago and things were so weird he said hi and kept walking....i was like HELLO we talked and hung out everyday over the summer for almost 3 months then u just stop talking to me!? whats is up with that? so i do have this paper to write about soccer and as many of you know i'm NOT into sports at all....and so i did not choose soccer we pulled it out of a box....so i called derek a while ago and he helped me...but this is a semester long project and i called him this past weekend on a question and he didnt call me back....and then i have to interview both a guy and a girl who had played soccer so i wrote a message and well see if he actully writes me back....why cant i just get him out of my head....i think its because things ended so fast....wtih no real reason....and you know i would love to be his friend if i got to talk to him...but honestly i think he wants to forget me all together....although i feel like when i see him and he is drunk things will change....and thats just shitty....its not fair.....i just dont know what to do.....

Current Mood: coldcold

Sep. 28th, 2006

10:50 am

Iv been at the libary since like 8 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im starting to go crazy!

Current Mood: crazycrazy

Sep. 26th, 2006

02:40 pm - far away

so i dont know what to do or think ne more....and it sucks....2 weeks ago i went home and my mom said that if i wanted i can come home after the semester and go to school and home....GREAT right....well thats what i thought....but we really havnt tlaked about it for real....so i applied at another school....which i'm 90% sure i'll get in...and i donno i shoudl be really happy....but people here just make me feel bad for it...my friend is mad like for real mad at me for leaveing...and my ex bf called me stupid....not a big suprize there....and i kno wthey are prolly not happy htat im going ot leave but if im really THIS unhappy than they should be ok with me going home....i really feel like if i stay here my mental health would suffer greatly...it already has...but i feel like it will get worse...and if i go home i can get a job save money and i donno.....like it so wierd b/c im away at school and should be having th ebest time of my life....yet what i look foward to the most is going home on the weekends....ok....i think not....but i think that if i go home i will be letting people donw...and i HATE that feeling....like i hate when people are dissapointed in me....so do i live with that feeling or do i stay here and hope things will ge tbetter.....like i donno....and i'm not writeing this hopeing someone will read this and be like oh!!! i have a answer to your problem...i need somewhere to really just vent...and i wrote my dad an e-mail about how im feeling about the whole school thing and i started crying....just thinking about how upset i am make me cry.... or should i ignore everything and just get through it...i mean i know thats not good either...and i know life isnt perfect...but like going home i would live at home for the second semester and the summer then i would get an apartment...and i know people are like ummm how is that different it just is....because yes i love being hom and yes i love my mom and dad doing EVERYTHING for me....and i know people think thats why i want to go home...but really i want to be on my own...but i want to e on my own closer to home...i would want to have an apartment like 1/2-45 mins away from my house...so if i needed to go home i could...i dont like being 2hrs away...its not fun...and like for real i went home on weekend and didnt want to tell people i was home i wanted to just hang out with my mom and dad....and i even pulled weeds so i could just be with them... i told my mom and dad that i feel like conor gets more attention b/c he is home and they weill forget about me..and i know that is not true but thats how i feel....and it sucks......i donno.....and my mom wants me to talk to someone about all my annixety which whatever i dont care..... but thats all i really have to say.....

Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable

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