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~*~CaItLIn's JoUrNaL~*~

Sep. 19th, 2006

10:03 am

so i just got done working out....man o man....i have NEVER been so sweaty before in my life.... and i relized im a FAT ASS!!!! :) hope everyone has a good day!

Current Mood: nauseatednauseated

Sep. 16th, 2006

12:54 am

im treally drunk...so i think people should be reaklly nice to me...and sipot tamaking fun of me.......... because it haurts me heffeelins

Current Mood: drunkdrunk

Sep. 9th, 2006

10:52 am

So yesterday was soo bad...all i did was cry...and derek kinda yelled at me for crying he was like why are you cting liek this and i was like i dont know and he said he wasnt going to take the time and figure it out b/c it was me and i have to deal with it...so that was upsetting....and i called my mom bawling at like 1130 i felt bad i know she was sleeping but she talked to me anyway!!! and then i called james it was like 2am and i called him...i dont know why i feel stupid for doing it!!! b/c it was not a good idea....like he came over and was really nice like standing next to me and talking to me...then he laid on my bed....and then we talked about why we broke up and he was getting mad....but whatever...and he said that he wants to be my friend but i go to busy or to cool for him...whatever....but ne way my parents are coimg tommrow....which could be good or really bad...i hope its good...but i do get to go home in about 12 days....so thats good....but thats about all for now

Current Mood: boredbored

Sep. 8th, 2006

01:24 pm

so im up at school....and i have an apartment....but....i HATE it....i hate not being around people....and as much as i didnt like the dorms i think i would rather be there....where i know people are always around...and my phone doesnt work so thats cool....and i cry a lot here...and its really weird...and i want this kid to make up his mind....about weather we are going to be together or nothing at all....and i think that is part of the reason why i'm so upset all the time....and i understand like we have to see how its gonna go when i'm up at school....but like iv been here for about 2 weeks now...and yes i was just home last weekend but still....and i'll be home in 13 days!!! and i'm super excited about it!! and well....if he dosent make up his mind...i'm gonna make it up for him and just be done....b/c i dont know....i liek him but like yea...and he cant talk on the phone to save his life....which is a problem....and then.....i hate central all together....because......i was told last year that i could get out of math if i went and saw the doctor that tested me in 12 grade....ok so i did it and that guy made me cry....said i needed to talk to someone b/c i ave a lot of anxiety...which whatever maybe i do....and then said he was going to write the letter....but needed to know who to write it to and what it should say....so ok....i go to the student disablities center and like the lady was like well you have to talk to this new lady....and so i'm in her office or whatever...and she goes yea so whoever told you that was wrong...and i was like what?! and then she started asking me about y i cant do math and all this shit and so i start crying because no one likes to talk about shit they fail at...and well whatever so she said i had to either take math 105 which i already took and got a D in or she was going to talk to the head of the math departemnt and see if i could take math 203.....which no one has heard of and its a math class for BLIND people and they play wiht blocks....and i was like ummmmmmmmm yea i dont think so....im not going to pay 400 dollars to play with blocks....just not going to happen...and she tells me that i have an advantage b/c i can see....yea ok.....and i just hate it here and i donno....oh and that lady told me i should talk to someone in the counsling center...and i was fuck that!............so i think instead of talking to someone i'll just write in here a lot more...and i'm not expecting ne one to read this or feel bad for me i just need someone to vent....and i type a lot faster then write.....so i'll just do it on here

Current Mood: sadsad

Jul. 23rd, 2006

09:41 pm - blah

so yea work is stressing me out like no other! i mean yea working with little kids is hard....but its even harder when there is a issue with a kid and his parents and the boss wont do ne thing...the issue is abuse and it sucks...b/c yea the kid is pretty much the devil in human form but i dont want him kicked out of camp where he has to be home and deal with that....and its just hard...and like i was really thinking about going into social work...but now i dont know b/c of that.... man oh man...and well since james and i broke up iv been having fun :) and thats what i want... so iv been watching this thing on tv for um the past 2 hours and i have one more hour and its about people in jail...and like i think it would be cool to work in a prison...but it would be scary....and i feel bad for some of the people there but then not some of them....any way....boys are kidna stupid...like you will be "seeing" a guy and then he will hang out with people that both of you work with but liek wont invited you....whateve....i guess i dont care...im just upset b/c he was like oh what are you doing tonight and i keep saying nothing and he is like i'll call you when i get done eating and then he calls thinking i was gonna hang out with him...then he was liek i'm gonna go hang out with so and so.....so i mean its cool whatever....and i dont want to be like well fine i'll just make plans when he thinks we are going to hang out...b/c i dont want to be liek him...you know!? well thats about all i have to say....

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative

Jul. 16th, 2006

01:59 pm - wow its been a while

well i know the last time i updated was umm my birthday! and well A LOT has happened since then....lets see well james and i broke up on our 1 year.... i did it....because i wasnt happy....and hadnt been in while...and i hate fighting and thats aLL we did and we would fight about anything and everything....and well yea but im working and i love both jobs....and i went to st louis on wed....then we went to chiacgo and just got home yesterday...and i had a BLAST and i relized and i cant have a serious bf just yet...b/c i want to move and travel around and yea....and for everyone who knows me knows that i love my house and cant go away but i really think i can......so yea i'm excited.....and i think i lost weight...not a lot of not enough for people to even notice...but this skirt that still fit but was tight fits right now....so i donno.....but yea im super busy with work i work from 7-10 everyday mon-fri and so i dont have time to update but i'll try....and i know it all one long run on...and its all over the place but thats how i think...and there is no way i could orgainze it...and i know i cant spell....but tis ok...b/c as long as i can read it thats all that matters.....

Current Music: snap ya fingers-lil jon

May. 11th, 2006

05:16 pm

ok so i wanna run a test.....

because on people b-days they are alwasy liek oh its my b-day so people say happy b-day but what if they did say ne thign would people still remeber to say it or no? i guess u could see woh your real friends were.....

Current Mood: happyhappy

May. 8th, 2006

10:56 pm

ok so i'm gonna take diet pills

my hair is really blonde YAY

my b-day is on THURSDAY!!!!! yay

my mouth hurts

people should read this

i'm a nice person

May. 3rd, 2006

10:36 am - ok so...........

so i was really really bored at the libary b/c i thought my final was at 10 but no its at 11 so i just stayed here for the extra hour.....ne way.........as i was saying i was REALLY bored and i went back and red my old enterys and they were kinda weird...like i donno....ne way i feel liek my mom iv been up since 6 30 just b/c i woke up and couldnt go back to sleep.....and i feel like its been a really long day when really its only 10 38am....but yea......well i get to leave tommrow!! :):):):):):):):):) then its SUMMER TIME!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS im working two job s this summer just like last summer and James got a job so we willonly see eachother on weekends.....which is gonna suck but it will be ok!so yea but im bored and have nothing to wirte about and i know i said i was gonna write in here more....so for real i'm gonna try to......O i know i'm gonna write/type my goals for the summer ready..........

-get skinny
-get tan
-get my ahr done right
-get losts of money
-get new clothes
-get skinny
-hang out iwht my friends
-get skinny

ok thats about all.................bye for now!!

Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: the libary doors opening and closeing

Apr. 4th, 2006

11:27 pm - what if there is nothing more to do?!?!

so i get migrains and well i have medicine and well it use to work like all the other ones but yet again it just stopped working and people dont understand....yes i stand here with a smile on my face when in inside i'm screaming....everything hurts lights, sound, people like changind the channels on the tv hurts like not other but yet people are like it just a headache but its so much more than that....but i really want these to go away.....but i know what is gonna happen i'm gonna make an appt then maybe my july i'll get in to see the docotor and he will give me a different med and it will work for a while then just stop....and i WILL NOT take the med they gave me for when they get really bad.......because i have to let them just sit in my mouth and like disagrate and its nasty and i ALWAYS throw them back up so i donno....and i have a feeling that they are gonna get worse.....when i get older because in 7th grade when i frist found out that i get migrains they were really bad and in highschool i couldnt go to school b/c of the lights and i would have to stay in my room with the shades pulled and the door shut and i just slept all day.....i donno what to do....if any one has ne new ideas i'm open for suggestions!!!!

Current Mood: blahblah

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